This should be a series!
Good animaition, though every thing seems soft and too even in motion, at some points it ends up looking like it was done in claymation, and thats no good for a cg peace. It has a lot of Graphical polish but the animation should have been tweaked to look just as good. As for Samus Nearly the entire vid was ruined for me cause of that stupid pendant. Every Metroid fan knows her only 2 emotional connections dealt with the baby Metroid and Adam Malkovich, Your story felt like you were depreciating the character, taking her down a notch; especially that Nintendo makes a point to not that samus is detached from her feelings. Other than those gripes you did alright.
Once again Id like to congratulate you on another completed episode, this now marks episode three. Like before it is clear that you have taken some criticism and used it in this episode but yet is still has some pratfalls that plague this series.
In most cases a viewer only watches the first 2 episodes to tell if they want to continue watching the series.
Ep 1 = 14,605v (no awards); Ep2 = 5,346v (5th place Daily) ; Ep 3 = 1,453views (5th place).
Ep 1 I believe to be the only featured episode on Newgrounds.
Meaning that, you seem to have lost your majority of your audience. From what I've seen this is mainly due to your presentation and lack of apparent directive to the viewer, which episode 3 in this series also suffers from.
Like its predecessors after initially watching episode 3, it almost seemed like "a waste of time" because the story once again seemed to go nowhere. All that is taken from this episode is that there is a test that Adam has to deal with in order to join an alliance but for some reason that is an issue, and secondly this Amy character wants to see the people who killed her mother dead. The rest of the episode boiled down to a Mech-fight that was unnecessary, wash away chatter between people, and kiss that was so out of left field that it served no effect to even happen, which ultimately lead to this episode dragging on losing the attention of most viewers.
This problem stems from the presentation problems.
The fact that majority of the episode is propped up with walls of dialog thrown at the viewer.
The fact that there is no sense of progression so in turn we learn nothing aside from something’s that can be said in 2 sentences, and the episode goes nowhere with it.
The fact that the characters don’t do a thing to develop themselves aside from talk, and do simple actions like look left, walk forward, turn back, thrust at camera. So in turn your characters feel flat.
The fact that there is no backing information other than subjective dialog to realize the world/situation taking place. So the episode becomes unimmersive.
The major fact that since the main character isn't mysterious, hasn’t given goal and or drive, and hasn't been thrown into a rabbit hole makes watching pointless outside of one’s own personal interest. Since the show then has no purpose the majority of viewers have no reason to come back to this series. Why should they care about this show out of the many Mech-shows out there looking for attention, especially now that we're on episode 3 and nothing is happening?
In addition to these things there are other things, like the vocal issues. Where characters sound dead and sometimes don’t even match what’s on screen. Most notable are Adam, Amy and Mike. Adam for being emotionless, Amy for being off center in comparison to what we see "you know nothing about it" is a prime example, and Mike the character that seems he’s either always angry or acting outside of his voice range. Then there are the visual issues with your shots and framing. I couldn't understand what I was looking at when Amy was talking about a tool. The shots switched very often and didn’t help emphasize, or show anything but faces to watch them speak. Also the Music implementation was poorly done, with mismatch themes like in the beginning or music that is barely audible and doesn’t bring out the scene displayed.
Firstly I suggest you tone down the dialogue and reconstruct it. The series up to this point has been nothing but walls of dialogue. You might say that it’s for character development, but much of it is rambling and fodder that is dismissed, none of it has seemed important to the task at hand, and is off putting. Compress your conversations.
Move your story along. Up to this point in the series the only important piece of information apparent to the viewer is the application form to take an unknown test, and even this falls on its face because none of it is expounded upon in this episode. Each episode should have a subject and development of that subject that falls into the bigger picture. Stop dropping subtitle hints and progress your story, because (b/c) most of your hints are lost within the walls of conversations, it becomes fruitless, and seems to spoil the story b/c there isn’t much substance other than that. No sense of progression is found b/c characters and events aren’t doing anything to forward what you were just talking about. Have and episode focus, and develop that. We shouldn’t be waiting over a group of episodes to see basic information unfold.
Have these characters do things other than talk, sit, stand, and fight.
For example have a character go to X location b/c Y is here. Automatically showing that said character has interest in X. Show the animation, seeing some one place there hand on someone’s shoulder is different than it already being there like the father did. Was it a pat, soft and loving or was it cold and mechanical? Leaving people in an empty space of assumptions is a sure way to loose attention. Scratching, patting, kicking, folding arms, arm on cheek, raising hands, etc. make sure you show mannerisms. A character worried about a test? Have X person take a long walk, show said character DEALING with the situation no matter how. Always ask yourself what are all the things your character is dealing with at said point in time, how doesn’t benefit the episode to show this? Don’t dialogue about it, unless it’s Mandatory. Which leads right into backing information. The way a character dresses vs another character, the way they stand vs another, the way they speak the terms they used. If you introduce a character as Shifty put mannerisms to support that. Karin is the main offender, since we didn’t learn who she was, commander, chef commander, cadet trainer, test proctor, division leader, etc. For a while I had her confused with Amy b/c Amy previously mention having a tool, and when we finally get to Karin in the flash black, her dialogue states her to be a caring, unthreatening, unshifty, and an unstern person, which makes the conversation about her pointless. Adam is the next offender b/c since the series started Amy is the only one who showed any remote interest in Adam. If the whole group knew how desperate he was come we didn’t, simple b/c he never did anything to show he gave a crap about Amy especially with is depressive demeanor. Not little looks, no special treatment, nothing. Back your statements up with your events, characters, and stage dressing. Little things go a long way.
Now that its episode 3 we should know by now what the hell the main character wants to do. What is the purpose for this story. You need to have this in the next episode, If you don’t have this your story lacks focus. Why are we watching is a question that needs to be answered. What the heck is the plot?
As for the additional stuff. I don’t know how to say this but your characters need life, they all sound either dead or mismatched it’s clear that the vocals were recorded, separate from the animation. You’ve got to direct your people so that the notes you want to hit, hit the mark. The blond hair girl accosting the Mike is the only one that sounded ok, and worked well with the visuals. You have a great cast I just doesn’t seem like the potential is being used. Have some lines be redone to fit the visuals if you need to, energy needs to be inserted into these characters everything is so muted. Like your voice actors use your music to sway emotions of the viewer and enhance the moment. Actiony music for action, Fear music for fear, thing of your audience and how they will be affected by what sounds you place down, please make sure its audible too. And your shots , you can make or break scenes with that, notably 8:37 was like the perfect time for a scrolling shot to show Adam’s face, but your screen cut to Adams face destroyed the sensually of that shot. Plan out your shots and what they are showing and why they are showing it, and restrain from flipping the shot. First we’re viewing the left then now we’re viewing the right, then the front; unless you got a reason for doing it restrain yourself.
All in all not many could do what you’re doing, and I hope to see how this series progresses. If you have to explain to your audience that this is development of any sort you’re not fulfilling your job here. Every episode should have progression and every episode should have essential things happening. This series is good but it needs work. But hey we’re all learning here.
How come there no official zone-tan swfs animations? We want ZONE-TAN action!
nice T's by the way I have to pick up a few.
This is great and all, the colors are good, and those are nice pictures and images but.... there is no animation. They only move there mouths, and things only truly move like once or twice (the bast reaction). Yes Japanese anime has been guilty of this, but things move, they aren't that stiff. so i'll have to give it a 2.5. You have outstanding art direction but its barely an animation considering what actually happens with in the length of time.
First and foremost Id like to congradulate you on a second episode. It takes alot of time to make one of theses, and requires a good amount of dedication, this being an indie title and all.
Its nice to see that you've taken come of the criticize to heart and have used it to improve the quality of this episode from its predecessor. That being said there are still glaring issues.
Shattered Heaven Ep.2 is a mixed bag of oddities that seems to not know what it is entirely doing currently suffering from an identity at points.
For one the script seems very odd. Its not Bad but it doesnt seem to set up much of anything, while sounding very unoriginal. As a person that has watched/played multiple counts of the mech-genre, from Evangelion to SuperSentai to IGPX to Armored Core to Front Mission to Baldr and so on. Cliche easily describes some of the dialog here, somethings seem to be outright/subconsciously stolen strait from The Gundam franchise to be exact. Although that might not be the case, Gundam does seem to have the biggest hand in this episode. Character's screaming out one-liners like "Your over rated Novis" and "Dont waist my time with juvenile tricks" has Gundam plastered all over it, and they feel out of place. Even the girl's motive sounds like it was taken from Gundam Seed There are times when the conversation feels organic like the conversation of Amy's father talking to that other blonde hair dude, and other times when the conversation is just weird and off putting like "You should listen to the GIRL" or "Infatuated with Money" These moments make it seem like the episode is taking itself way too serious than its supposed to. Also we still have yet to know what all the names of the basic cast are and their basic relations to anyone else. Adam, Novs, Amy, and Amy's Dad are all the names we know; and aside from Amy's connection to her father that is the only connections we have. Who is Novis to Adam, who is Adam to Amy, What is the connection to that guy with the glasses to Amy or to anyone given his "girl" line.
From the Dialog comes the story and still the story doesn't seem to go anywhere yet. VR fights at random, Iraq explostions, and people talking about the realworld. Is what they're living in now fake, like the matrix, Is it shelterd, do they live in a bunker, Or are they just talking about being a civilian? Nothing about what they say consering the real world gives us idea or hint about whats going on with these people watching from the glass. Alot of the story is hard to flow between the characters and setting nothing seem set yet or estabilised. We the viewers still need a stage and not one given from the lenthy prolog monolog in episode 1. Even if its a slice of life sort of thing its not setup for us to understand its a slice of life. There are no tells, like for example the Iconic the event of waking up in the morning, things that we can relate to enough before we can comfortably jump into their life, there world. Starting at the event of somthing never says slice of life unless he's late for a job, or school. Especially when youve got that in the the shadows turn around character at twelve seconds.
Next is the Visual presentation, wich id have to say is is par at best. Its not bad, but its lacking and needs alot of refinement. My main issuse is the way the characters move, the defforming in Mechs, the odd framing, and the bad screen cuts. Much of what is shown is is poorly planed out, and unclear. This episode fixes some of the problems of the first episode visualually but still has some those distict short comings from the previous episode and adds some problems from poor impimenttation, as well as pop-ins and leftovers from a sketch stage, the best example is the green lines on those cube things at four eleven, I was surprised to see rough draft effects in a finished product. Also there is no clarty in the mech battles which is the by far the worst part of animation. Things just happen and its very unfocused as it shows the limits of your capablities, or obvious short cuts your trying to take, like omitting the animation for a mech geting up with a screen cut, Showing confusing green and red "lights" with barley any clarity, and characters flipping; the mech travels one way and the person is faceing the other way best example of this is at four twentyfive. Some shots even seem to be just there for the sake of chaning shots in both in and out of mech battles. There even times when a transition is needed for next shot and is sorely missing, they just pop out like the fathers reflection or popin like the ending. There is the missuse of the blur on a chair someone is siting on, or the jaring effect of moving posters in backgrounds and still people. The Environment backgrounds are sorely missing perspective, mostly everyone is shot from direct front or direct side with them standing at a slight angle, facing an angle or directly strait with with the camera most often zoomed in on their faces, or above waist. Environments still dont show relation to anything else in the the room, it just seems you manged to pack more stuff in and made it easier to see, like th cockpit area that just looks like a warehouse. Lines on thing that should be strait are oddly curved like the bride. I think you should really look at manga/comics to help with your storyboard. You need to look up and learn the rules and of animation to add to your what you have now, because its is needed, especially for your mech fights.
Last is sound, the worst of this Episode. Characters seem dead, or odd. Adam being the oddest. With his animation not matching the lackluster "slaughter", or the expressions he says sounds dead. The black guy at the end of the episode sounds comically angry, and over all gives the impression that there is no voice direction for this production. Via voice and wording alone characters just seem to meld together, one character could just as easily be seen saying someone elses lines because there delivery in isn't all that great. Added with non existent music at some-parts where you can barely hear it in the background, Sound effects missing for swinging a sword, grinding on dirt, flying around, streaming etc. Odd electrical pop-ins at the wrong time, low to nonexistent splash, clipping and other missing effects to immerse your viewer. The sound needs to be handled.
I Actually had to watch this twice to get a sense of what is going on and I've even had to pause the video to see the point of the Iraq thing and the picture that cut out of her mother.
All in all i think you need to plan out your shots and animation better via your storyboard. Check your audio and all the effects. Redo your dialog, to be natural and effective don't get too caught up in trying to be linguistic, cause it will come off as jarring, make relevant banter not generic one liners.
Why boxes for bullets why not just bullets or missiles? There is a lot more to say but my brain feels fried. Don't get discouraged, keep going.
Congrats again on Episode 2
I like GPS Squad its really interesting, no matter how random it gets. I watched GPS ep's 1-3 so many times I cant fathom. Unfortunately ep4 wasnt that great at all.
The fact is that GPS is no longer in 2d, so your now under a entirely new set of "rules" to get the same effect. Major Laser is honestly the only person I can say that kept his "cool" from Gps3 to 4, attributed to fact that that is his character. 2:55 to 3:14 & 3:31 to 3:38 where the best seconds of the episode along with the shots @ 6:41 & @ 6:42 the rest of the episode felt flat due to the Framing and Especially Lack of Exaggeration. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the 12 rules of animation, but GPS3 used more of them.
I know first hand for how insane a 1 person project already is; It's challenging enough. Sadly I must say GPS4 looses the edge GPS series has had up until this point. If your gonna keep it in 3d they're are a few things that need to be done to bring back the edge it had b4 4 ...lol
1. MOST IMPORTANT PUSH YOUR ANIMATION, using squash and stretch, arching, & follow through techniques (12 rules of animation). I know your models can break if you push them too far but look at Toy Story, look at a the way Buzz moves, He doesn't physically deform but his gestures have weight to them, and his poses have "stretch" to them. Yes this based off Japanese animation but remember that was originally derived Disney animation. A lot of your animation killed your jokes in this ep, and made the delivery stale, your animation can make or break your work, which is why some people have said to revert back to 2d.
2. Frame your shots better. It was very weird to see 3:15 the guy is is plain sight in the center of the shot in a barren room with nothing to hide him in the slightest, what makes it more awkward is the fact that that person is not even in a corner or somewhere like he's TRYING to hide something; putting his crouching out of context...... and making him just THERE with a small arrow to point him out even further. Nothing about that shot "worked" It took away a lot more than it added.
3. Lighting, Effects, and Consistency. Even a random show like this has consistency, you need bring back all the Backgrounds and the "abusive" way you used them in GPS1 2 & 3. You also need to Light your characters to fit the mood. For example A Horror under-light or well placed effect Background would have been perfect for "you completely worthless heathens..." As well as when that dude shows up with the camera. that would have been a perfect moment for snapshot effect/flash . As for consistency, keep everything in 3d unless you need a 2d element, it was so odd to see the school as a 2d image and the hall way as a 2d image when they should have been in 3d. For that hallway shot @ 2:55 you could have rendered out a nice HD image then use the fish eye warp in Photoshop to get the same effect or Shoot it at dramatic angle, especially since every other location is in 3d.
4. Have Chibi models of needed characters so you can switch out at will. Check out the intro to Vocaloid Project Diva 2 those would fit quite nicely.
Well this is all a learning process anyway. I love that this continuing, and it cheers me up its just good. I love the energy, the vibrancy. And if you need any thing like a look over or some more suggestions or something I'm pretty much here to help just shoot a pm er what ever. Just Keep pushing for the stars. Fly away (lol) :)
thanks for all the good tips. I wish i could get photoshop to run on this computer but it doesnt work. I think i'm gonna use the 3d in a different way- mostly for something like storyboarding and camera angles etc and then use the regular 2D over that. I miss the livelyness of 2D and I dont think my computer has the ability to do 3D well. Also 2D kinda misses out on facial expressions and whatnot not
That music kills the trailer; but not bad though.
Looking forward to the actual EP.
Ok, I totally skipped reviewing ep4 b/c it was a snooze fest and honestly boring but this; this looks like your now putting effort into something. If the 1st 4 episodes were establishing location and somewhat character familiarity and this is were the real story starts, its not bad. It shows potential and I suppose this is were the "fun" actually begins.
I made sure to see this as soon as possible since wasn't able to attend Youmacon and I wanted to see at least some of what was presented there. I was pretty confident you wouldn't dish out a "cash-in" episode in front of live viewers.
This Episode is pretty much the best and defining factor episode, Its shorter than the others it strait to the point and it works for the most part.
The characters now actually seem to give information quickly and effectively and for once it DOESN'T feel like rambling. More so there conversations even manage to a degree to to underscore some characteristics that where lacking in ep's1 - 4. I was wondering when things were going too return to cheep & odd moments but you managed to keep your head above water and "raise the stakes" even with the minor plot dips.
e.g. Flame girl obviously had no idea what was going but some how she suddenly became intensely worried, even b4 she was ever truly given reason too, and if she was it was so unclear or a made into null point that it didn't warrant any attention. Next would be the cat. We have no idea about it. One can guess that it was the monster that attacked but we have really no idea what it was there for and we as viewers shouldn't be guessing that type of "why?"
(ive even watched the episode more than twice and no dice)
Its not as if you were clever about it either like for example the Adventure Time snail. It stays out of the way a out of focus but yet still in a notable place in the shot and only focused on when needed, you made the cat primary focus with no hint to its purpose within the current episode, then it vanishes with no explanation. Even if you plan to explain it in later episodes you have to give your viewers something to "chew on" so you don't have blab expositions yet again with long dialogs or unnecessarily lengthy flash backs.
Another Core dip is the fact that in every ep. Alfa uses "glitch mode" yet he rejects the power now? After using so much; why? How is alfa even a known player anyway? Why does Zeto say "its about time" what is bandwith sucks or something? How often does Alfa actually transform? It's unknown to us viewers, and if he uses that power as often as shown in previous ep's then... you have an another issue you need to handle.
I'm glad you've also finally decided show and not tell something.
e.g. That Alfa's darkpower is no substitute for skill, as seen with Kirb vs Alfa and then again with Zeto vs Alfa. and is Zeto a hacker? Cause I didn't see him set up a grid and they are in MechCity... (continuity issue)
Beside all that; GET RID OF THE FACES AND ANIMATE. You keep pushing viewers out of the immersion of viewing when you have something animated then jump back into text box. why? This isn't a real rpg this is something we are watching. This episode doesn't seem lazy (even with some recycled animations) you have dynamic camera, zooms, pans, and dollies and some effects going keep it a consistent package. No one would like to see that while watching dot.Hack//Sign or Quantum, Sword Art Online, Digimon, or even Reboot. Rid yourself of the those text-avatars ir just ruins the shots and frame aesthetics.
Also ADD SHADOWS PLEASE! (im not talking about on the floor/ground either) your characters are flat like Paper Mario cutouts and not in a good way either. You don't really have solid drawings (12 principles) and your not doing sakuga animation so you really have no excuse for no shadows. Even worst you have You have shadowed Text Avi's and yet flat animations, you need to deal with that.
This is the first ep I can say has true momentum, please increase it and don't drop it dude
(i would say more but I G2G)
Who knew hatred could be so dang funny. I mean i dislike the fact of the total utter hatred toward both Kirb and Rina, but Oh My Glob this was so over the top to the point that i couldnt stop laughing at how stupid the video is. all i could think is you have to be alone in the house to do that kind of screaming. I cant help but laugh at your hate.
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